[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
I-I can't sleep. I know I saw a bat.
It's just waiting until
I'm asleep to bite my face off.
Look at that ceiling, it could be anywhere.
This is a losing battle;
I'm getting out of here.
The feng shui of this room sucks anyway.
Why does this room even exist?
I'm leaving it, therefore
it ceases to exist.
Well, not really, but that's
how my memory needs to file it.
Why are there enormous pistons here?
If there was something on the belt,
it would just crush it to the side
and not send it anywhere.
I really don't understand
what the purpose of this is.
But, there are cheaper and more
energy-efficient ways of doing that.
I would feel better about
this experience if I knew that
on the other side of these walls,
a giant robot was moving its fingers.
It would seem more noble then.
We actually have crushers of death, too?
What are we making in this factory?
Oh, they have
different stomping patterns!
Yeah, that's really necessary!
Oh, this one's full of tricks!
It's tapping out Morse
on the fucking belt!
Red lights, walking backwards,
GIVE ME SOME MORE PRESSURE!
I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH!
YES! BIOHAZARD!
PERFECT! THANK YOU!
YAAAH! FALLING TO MY DEATH!
I hear fire... but I don't see fire.
But I am not a space man, thus,
I do not need to be extinguished.
Man, look at these landings.
Sideways freefalling
on moving conveyor belts.
It's kind of pissing me off
this whole place is abandoned.
I don't have anyone to show off to.
If the workers were here, they could say,
"Hey, look at him! He's ridin' a conveyor
belt! I've always wanted to do that!"
Whoa, oh my God. I can
feel the heat from here.
Okay, yeah, this'll work.
Okay, that's the end of the ride.
I can dodge giant crushers;
I can't dodge an incinerator.
I would need much better reflexes.
And a more nebulous body.
Until you can rearrange atomic
particles the way you want them,
I don't think anyone can
ever claim to have true power.
Oh, what's this? Another dead end?
Hey, then why have safety railing and a
walkway if no one can get up here anyway?
I cheated! I came in on the conveyor
belt! No one's supposed to do that!
I could expect this crap on Mars.
They have a 1/3 gravity;
I could just hop up here.
Well, that drop wasn't too bad.
Maybe I'm developing a resistance.
It's like that joke on the Addams Family
where Gomez tells an insurance agent
he's learning to skydive with a
smaller and smaller parachute
until he doesn't need one at all.
Maybe it breaks so much, they decided to
install a light here for the workers
If your logic acts under the assumption
that this thing will be breaking forever,
then some decisions
start making more sense.
Something tells me you're not going to
contribute anything to this conversation.
Though, you do make a strong argument
for not going that way.
All right. I'm agnostic about
which concrete corridor I take,
having no other information than
it's another concrete corridor.
Oh, it's a dead end...
with no storage here or anything.
We're playing that game again.
Well, I do have...criticisms...
about how this place is structured.
Maybe I'm not one to talk,
because I shouldn't even be here.
But, you shouldn't either.
This means that the builders
of this temple were civilized.
But, who am I to question their ways?
Maybe they play hide-and-go-seek
here when it's a slow shift.
Maybe...they're doing it right now!
Okay, so who's more at fault here?
Me, for entering this place like I'm
trying to break into the Pentagon?
Or, everyone else, for not
giving me an exit to begin with?
Okay, so that answers that question.
but will I be able to prove it?
There was no entrance or exit
from that other factory wing.
But, of course, some jackass
is going to come along later
and show me an obvious one
in a place I already looked.
Like there's going to be
one here tomorrow, I bet.
Fucking gremlins are building it right
now, just so I look like an idiot later.
When the truth is, I arrived
at this reality a little too early.
I feel like strangling something.
It would be fun to be
known as a strangler.
I mean, it wouldn't be worth it to
strangle people just to get the name,
but if the police came up with a name
for me like "The Sneaky Strangler",
Okay, good. This sign points straight,
not left four times in a row.
Oh, what am I talking about?
I have a Ph.D.
They'd call me "Dr. Stranglelove".
Actually, that could be a porn name,
but only for the edgier stuff.
WHOSE JOB WAS IT TO RELOAD?!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
'THERE'S NO AMMO LEFT'?!
I can't delegate anything around here!
Well, at least I have my backup gun.
Let's just hope I don't need
a backup backup gun.
Most people don't need that.
Most people don't even
need a backup gun.
I guess it depends on
what state you live in.
Where the hell is this thing?
Well, it was a fair fight.
No one can say it wasn't.
Yeah, I guess this is presumptuous
but I have to say that--
Oh, hey, there are stairs.
That sign wasn't lying.
What was I thinking about?
I wanted a banana milkshake...
I'm a little disappointed by these aliens.
They're not displaying
much intelligence.
They're mostly just bipeds.
I could come up with
much better aliens than these.
Alright, I already went
through this red shrine thing,
so I know where this belt goes.
I guess I'll just try again.
Maybe I missed something.
Because, y'know, exits are
supposed to be difficult to locate.
Because, God help you if somebody
exited your building by accident.
Then, they'd have to come back in.
I didn't try this belt backwards.
(gasping)
Because it's the other...
Okay...so let's talk better aliens...
It depends on the gravity...
and atmosphere obviously...
but, if it's like ours...
what you need is all
the organs in the core...
with many muscular appendages...
with handlike grippers on the ends...
If the inner ear...was developed...
this would allow for
extremely good mobility...
and a natural advantage over us...
So, it would look like
a jointed octopus
rotated on an axis or two...with hands.
I remember lasers are bad!
Tripmine! That's a tripmine!
Either everything conforms to standards
or we blow up the assembly line.
What the hell?
This is an American company.
We're not supposed to have that all-or-
nothing mentality like the Japanese.
I don't care if it blows up the conveyor.
I could use the scope, but it
would just kick up in my face.
Yup, I blew up the conveyor.
Now the district manager has to commit
hara-kiri or something, I guess.
This reminds me of those old video games
from Japan that were impossible to beat
and if you died, they would tell you
how many fingers to cut off
Man, that barely damaged it.
I guess it was a practice explosive.
Are you fucking kiddi-- TWO?!
I can't crabwalk out of here...
Okay, okay, I'll just grab the side...
Oh my God... it sucks big wads...
I don't think I'm going
to get a nap in today.
There's just too much to do.
I-I can make time for that.
If you ask me whether I'd rather
open a door or try to kill myself...
Those are shitty options.
So, leaving was never an option.
And crawling in circles until you
fucking die, THERE'S AN OPTION!
LET'S GO WITH THAT OPTION!
Actually, I was just kidding.
I don't like that option.